Have you missed the legendary heroes of Middle Earth? Are you constantly bothered that besides his own commentary, Christopher Tolkien finds any attempt to pay tribute to his father’s work ill-advised?
Luckily, the 12,501st letter sent to Mr. Tolkien prompted a response from the scholar’s Twitter account:
“Fine, you fools.”
New Line Cinema released this statement shortly afterward:
“J. R. Return to Tolkien’s world with hero Farmer Giles in an epic trilogy that will leave you wondering if Helm’s Deep was merely a high school hockey match.”
Sure to be action-packed and full of absolutely crucial details from the wider Tolkien mythos, the three films will reportedly be called Giles, Garm, and the Giant; Tailbiter, and The Return of the Dragon.
“It’s clearly the story of Farmer Giles becoming a warrior,” said Jackson. “He starts off poor and cowardly but rises to become the hero Ham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. It might be controversial to say so, but Farmer Giles probably made a better King than Aragorn.”
The New Zealand government has already approved plans to fund a Farmer Giles tourist attraction, which will serve as the primary location for filming. A team of gardeners, medieval construction expersts, and landscape artists reportedly have a budget of $25 million.
Prime Minister Bill English said, “We know keeping the village of Ham around can only help New Zealand’s economy, so we thought we’d go ahead and ensure it’s up to code.”
Franchise glue Elijah Wood is rumored to be in talks to voice Farmer Giles’ faithful but cowardly dog Garm, who is expected to have a slightly expanded role and subtle ties to the the original Lord of the Rings trilogy. Jackson has expressed interest in Tom Hiddleston to voice and provide motion capture for the formidable dragon Chrysophylax. No word on how Andy Serkis has taken the news.
Giles, Garm, and the Giant has a tentative release date of December 18, 2020.